 | About Me | Sep 3, 2007 |
Hello! My dear friend, Rebekah Clark, told me about this site and like her, I needed a place to write my experiences with the Lord. I'm excited about finally setting up this website because a lot of good things have been going on these days! God is good! We went to Washington D.C. this weekend to look at a school Drew wants to go to in a year and a half. We have never been to the city so I was looking forward to what I would see. We stayed outside of D.C. in Alexandria. The morning of our day in D.C., I was ironing my shirt and asked God to let me understand more about Him through the history that I would see. I wanted to see how God worked in the parts of our history. We got off of the metro and finally saw D.C. I loved it. The first place that I learned something valuable was at the Lincoln Memorial. I never realized how much Lincoln trusted God. On the side of the inside of the memorial was a long script that Lincoln wrote engraved in the wall. It told about how God was incharge of everything and how God had power. He wanted all men to be created equal b/c he knew that is how they were in God's sight. It just seemed like lincoln was all about pleasing God and trusting God. I never saw Lincoln in that light - our teachers now and our world now doesn't portray things like that anymore. As we were walking out of the Native American museum, the building was playing "Rock of Ages" very softly. When I heard it, it felt like peace ran through my body. Hearing a song like that in such a public place - it was amazing. God has been a rock throughout all of the ages. Lastly, we went to the holocaust museum. At the beginning of our tour, I asked God to keep my own mind closed and let me only learn what He wants me to. I didn't want to bring my own opinions into what I saw. I had no thoughts as I went through the museum - just read and watched the history. It wasn't until we got home that the Lord taught me something. Last night I was praying and remembered how one of the Jews said that their God died in the concentration camp. It gave me the desire to know God better than I know anyone and to trust God more than anything, so that if a time like that comes, I can know that my God still lives. I can trust God that even if I die, He loves me and knows what I am going through. It made me want to prepare right now for anything - a life full of blessings and peace or a life full of very rocky times. Whatever, I just want to know deep in my soul that God is with me and will never let go. I always want to be able to sing to God, "It is well with my soul." God gave us a very good trip to D.C. I'm very thankful for that. It also made both Drew and I feel thankful for the people we know who love God. Well, to continue my previous blogs, I moved in with the Embrys at the end of summer summer of 2002- to start my freshman year in college. I loved being at their house - they made me feel at home. Even though we were all so different, we all worked well together. When I first moved in and for the most of the fall, I was a very busy person. I never sat still- always going somewhere. That summer, I kept myself busy to keep myself from breaking down and I was just used to staying busy. I think I was wearing Natalie and Junior out, a little. Natalie ended up talking to me about keeping myself so busy and told me how good it would be for me to just take it slow sometimes. That seemed hard at the time b/c I loved doing things. So, one evening I sat on the couch with Junior, Natalie, and Bekah (we all weren't on the couch) and Natalie had me lay my head on her lap. She rubbed my head and Junior put my feet in his lap and rubbed my feet and calves. It felt so good. After that night, I loved spending time in the evenings just talking like a family to the Embry family. I needed sweet people like the Embrys to teach me that slowing down can be enjoyable because that's when the Lord could really talk to and teach me. I'm loved learning that and am very thankful for it. At the end of the summer of 2002, I went to North Carolina for a visit with all of the girls and Jason- something we had always wanted to do. (The car load was Jason, Rebekah E., Sarah, Ashley and me.) We went to N.C and had a really good time. It felt so good. On the ride home, we were all drunk in the Spirit! We were laughing and praying out loud and it was so wonderful! We saw the moon out of the windows of one side of the car and the sun on the other side of the car. It was neat. The moon was on my side. As we were laughing and feeling so good, I remember looking out of the window up at the moon. The next day I knew I would be moving into a dorm for my first year of college and I also knew that I wasn't strong enough to survive. God was working on me and I didn't want the amazing feelings I was feeling in the car to end. I looked up at the moon and in my head talked to God. I said, "God, I know I'm not strong enough to live in a dorm right now. But, I also don't want to live with my dad in that apartment. Which place would be the best place to go? I just don't know what to do." I felt stuck. I wanted to please God so bad but I knew I wouldn't be able to on my own. One minute or less later, Jason's cell phone rang. It was Pastor John calling for me. He said, "Honey, I don't think you need to move into that dorm right now. How do you feel about living with Natalie and Junior?" I said, "great!" (or something like that.) I couldn't believe it...God worked it out for me! I whispered to Jason, "I'm going to move into your house." He smiled and said, "I know." Oh, I was so happy. We pulled into Mark and Wendy's drive way- it was late. We walked in and a few people were waiting on the couch. Natalie and Junior, Song and Gary, and Mark and Wendy were there. I think they asked me who I would like to move in with and I said that I didn't care and asked who they thought. Natalie kind of sunk down and timidly pointed at herself. I said, "Yes!" I was thrilled and I think it shocked some people. But, God had worked it out perfectly. Then, my dad came staggering in the door and I told him that I wasn't going to the dorm but moving in with the Embrys. I thought he would be happy but he started saying things that I didn't understand. The people in the room kept saying, "Nicky, we haven't told her anything." I knew he was guilty of something b/c he was telling on himself. I felt so sorry for him. He said come on girl, let's go home and talk about this. I said, "No dad, I want to go to Natalie and Juniors tonight." The girls had gone upstairs into Ashleys room and I went up there while my dad talked to everyone in the living room. I was so happy about moving in w/the Embrys, but sad for my pitiful dad. All of us girls fit onto Ashley's twin bed...we had to hold onto each other so we wouldn't fall off. They played music and hugged me...they were all being such good sisters that night. I'll never forget that. A lot happened during the summer of 2002- the summer after I graduated high school. My parents divorced, I moved into an apartment with my dad, and became very lonely. That summer I worked, practiced with my college field hockey team, ran like 6-13 miles a day, searched the bible, hid from everyone who really knew me, and slept maybe 2 hours a night due to anxiety from my parents divorce. (Trying to make a long story short.) I didn't know what was the truth- it seemed like everything I had ever known had been a lie and turned upside down. My dad would turn to me for compassion and I had none to give him- I felt like an empty zombie or something. My dad and I weren't good for each other- both trying to find our own way in life. I stayed out late trying to find comfort in my friends from school- who I could hide my sad feelings from, and my dad was going his own way- not towards God. I searched the scriptures on my own. I wanted to find out what was the truth for myself- what the bible really said b/c I always took what my parents said as truth. Everything I searched out proved what I had grown up knowing. But, I still felt so empty. The whole summer I felt like I was on the run- staying busy but still trying to just figure things out. The summer was coming to an end. I went down to the river front one night to play ultimate frisbee with some friends. Well, one of the boys, who was playing ultimate frisbee, was one that had taken interest in me at the beginning of the summer- I had taken him to a couple of meetings. That night he was being very mean to me- the first time anyone has ever been mean to me...I think in my whole life. He didn't choose me to be on his team and the other team felt sorry for me and chose me. They began playing and he was really mean to me on the field. God was setting me up. I felt like I had absolutely nobody left on this Earth- especially when that boy started being mean. Finally, my body just stopped. I was so worn out from the summer. They were all on the other end of the field playing. I stopped and looked up in the sky. The sky was dark but had one light purple fluffy cloud in it. I remember looking at that cloud and saying out loud, "I'm so hungry, can I eat that cloud God? I'm just so hungry." I even remember licking my lips as I looked at that cloud. I felt so weak and lonely and that cloud looked so pretty. I didn't want to look away from it. Then I heard God... He said, "People change in an instance. Your dad has changed, your mom has changed, and your friends have changed. But, I Will Never Change. I will always love you and I will always love your love." I wanted to melt at that moment. He said something so close to my heart that was hurting. I felt like everyone was rejecting me- my love. But, He said he will always love my love for Him. I can always count on God and I can always love Him with everything I have and never have to fear being hurt again. What an amazing Dad He is...I love Him! I hope I never reject His love and never change...I wish He could have 100% faith in me, that I will never hurt him. Anyway, that's when my life got turned right side up again. :o) God waited for me to finish running and then spoke the sweetest words that saved my life. He always helps at the perfect time! I feel blessed to have Sheila Durham in my life. She has become my best sister, friend, and example. I was in the shower tonight and the strongest spirit of prayer/thankfulness fell on me for Sheila. I felt extremely thankful that God has changed Sheila's attitude from spiteful to grateful and sweet. I've never been around anyone with a better attitude and spirit than Sheila's. That's a blessing from God- to all that know her! Sheila is an example! When I was praying, I felt overwhelmed with thankfullness for Sheila and also an overwhelming desire to be like Sheila. When I was in that hospital room with her, rubbing her feet and watching her interact with people, she was so humble, happy, excited about the little things, and not afraid to say things that let people know that she loves them. It was amazing to me. I loved being there with her and felt so much rest in that hospital room. Sheila had a very painful illness? I would have never known it by visiting her. She puts that on the backburner and doesn't even turn the burner on. I want to be like her!! God has healed Sheila's heart. It's sweeter than honey. He's healed her Spirit! That's the most important thing in this world. I would love to see Him heal her body, too! If she could be strong enough and God knew that she could live this life with the same attitude she has now, I would love love love to see her healed! I love her and want every minute I can get around her. If you live in Kentucky and read this, spend as much time as you can with her so that we can all have that sweet, thankful attitude. Anyway, I'm feeling very mushy and thankful for Sheila right now, if you can't tell. If you read this Sheila, I love you! And, I wish I could be there this weekend with everyone to visit you. Pray for Terri who is flying in to visit this week- and me...so that we can learn what you've learned. Thank You Lord! There was a song the other night that had the following words: "He's the Lord over all things" and "Let us testify" If He is Lord over all things, then He is Lord over all people. It doesn't matter if they are the biggest sinner in the world, the most religious person, a person with very strong opinions....it doesn't matter who anybody is. The Lord is over all people. They may not love Him or even believe in Him...but that doesn't mean He isn't Lord over them. The Lord is Lord of my testimony. He is over everything. It makes it so much easier to tell something that the Lord is over (our testimony) to something else that the Lord is over (all people.) I want courage and a spirit that desires to tell what the Lord has done for me. I'm glad the Lord is teaching me how to overcome a fear of what men may think. He keeps ringing that in my ear this year. He's told me, "Don't worry about what you look like as long as I am in control." And now He is telling me, "I am Lord over all men...there is no reason to fear them and hold back your testimony." He's Lord over every single thing! I feel like He is teaching me something and it's only on the tip of my tongue- I only understand it a little. I love when He teaches something and then lets you experience what He has taught you. I've always heard that it's hard to stay really happy in the Lord while you are in college b/c you are so busy and have so much information to think about. Every time I heard this, it bummed me out while I was in college. I knew it was true though because every summer I had off from school, I was happier and more free in God. One day I was walking to my car from class- about a 5-10 minute walk- and complained to God the whole way. I was telling God that I was sad because I never had any time to spend with Him and sad that I couldn't be super happy because I was in school. So, I spent the walk to my car just letting God know how I was feeling. When I got to my car and stopped talking to God, He finally got a word in. He said, "The whole time you spent walking to your car and complaining about not having time to spend with me, could have been time that you actually could have spent with me!" Instead of complaining, I could have been thanking God and stirring up His Spirit. When will us humans learn? I had to laugh at myself and thank the Lord for teaching me such a simple but important thing: to use my spare time wisely. This took place on Christmas Eve of my senior year in college (2001.) My brother had been in prison since he was 16 and I was 11 years old- and I missed having a brother so much. I wrote him tons of letters and loved getting letters from him in the mail. At night, I would often cry in my bed sad that my brother wasn't in my life. Well, my brother had finally made it to the half-way house and was going to be out in time to spend Christmas with us! I knew this was going to be the best Christmas ever. I found that out probably in November. One morning, maybe around December 14th, I drove myself to school and that morning my mom called me and told me Brandon had escaped from the half-way house. I was so upset, angry, sad...all emotions at once. I sat in my car that morning and cried uncontrollably...and even screamed things like "NO!" and "Why!?". I was devastated. Well, it was Christmas Eve and I was sitting in our dark living room by myself in our reclining chair. The white lights on the Christmas tree were lit and a fire was crackling in the fire place. It was so pretty in the living room. I began thinking about Brandon and our Christmas times we had when we were little. Tears of hurt started rolling down my face when Jesus gently came. Out of the blue, I heard in my mind and heart these soft and slow words: "I'll be your big brother. I'm a good big brother. I've always been there for you. I'll spend this Christmas with you- I'm even here with you right now. I've watched you grow up. I was there when you were born and a little kid. I've been to all of your track meets and field hockey games. I'll be at your high school graduation and college graduation. I'll be there when you get married and I'll be there for your children. I'll be with you your whole life. And when you're dying, I'll be there by your side. And, then we'll be together forever. I'm a good big brother." My heart was completely comforted and all I could feel was, Wow. My mom came downstairs and looked at me and said, "maleah, you're glowing." I couldn't talk- Jesus had talked to me. And, He was right...He's a good big brother and is always there with me :o) Thank you Jesus :o) How do you stay full of the holy ghost? Walking down my townhome complex sidewalk tonight with my dog, I asked God that question. Sure, I knew that praying would help, but what else, when you don't feel to go pray. I slowly walked down the sidewalk and knew God would teach me. He told me to remember my testimonies. I thought about how good Jesus has been to me. Meanwhile, as I was walking, I could feel a light night summer breeze and I saw the pink flowers on the crate myrtle trees. The love and goodness of God was all around me. Walking down my little hillsborough neighborhood with my little fluffy dog. Looking up at the night sky with the moon shining through the clouds. And to appreciate every second of living in the surroundings God made for us, just because He loves us. He loves to love us and be good to us and let us feel good. We just have to slow down and let ourselves look at what He's given us. It doesn't have to be hard to stir up the holy ghost, even when you're exhausted. Be thankful for a bed and warm covers and your testimonies when you're exhausted. It is the best feeling in the whole world to have your heart full of God's love. And it literally feels full and your blood vessels feel like they are pumping love or something. It's amazing and it's so good to know that others feel this, too.  | Special | Sep 4, '07 8:54 PM
for everyone |
God is being so good to me and keeping me so full. I've recently learned that I need to take a bath from work and life every night - even if I didn't hear anything bad that day. And He's really been cleaning me it feels like. Anyway, I wrote something tonight in my journal and I just wanted to write a piece of it on this blog. Here it is... "I was praying the other night and God let my eyes open to let me see how much of a fool I am. This whole world believes a lie and are fools. I'll try to explain... I'm a soul in a human body. There are Billions of human bodies walking around on this Earth. Even though we feel "special" and "unique," there is nothing special - just like a bunch of ants. This world and our flesh wants us to believe we are special and deserve things. When we look in the mirror we are looking at a lie. What we see is not who we are. Some see something awful and some see something amazing, and in turn, some feel more confident and special than others. It's all a lie. The truth is only in the heart. Only God is special, and if God is in a human's heart, then that is special. The truth is, if God is not kept in the heart, then that soul is the opposite of special - it is cursed but appearances may not seem cursed. We are all going to die - even though it's hard to imagine. The flesh will die and the soul will be left. The soul will no longer have a shell to cover it. While on Earth, it seems like our job is to nurture our flesh with food, money, etc. BUT, our job is to nurture the soul and the only way to do that is with God. He's our food, money, and exercise for the soul...and Rest! Only God can keep us healthy. God is so good. He teaches us in our short lives on Earth. It is more important than we know to live God's truth! I wish it would go deep into my heart. Walk in the Truth everyday. Because if we don't, we are walking in lies. It's one or the other. Please let me walk in the Truth - and I can! Because I have God's Spirit! And that is the Spirit of Truth! Amen! So I already have what I need to walk in the Truth- now I just need to keep it living and stirring in my heart. "Don't stray from my Spirit, but STRIVE to be near it." (Darren) God has never failed me and I hope I never forget or doubt it. I've got the Best Dad and Brother in the entire world! (and that's truth!) One morning Pastor John said, "We are just passing time on this Earth until we die." He told how everything we do is just passing time so we should just relax and have the attitude of a servant. That really struck me- we are just passing time.
Every Sunday I usually get sad b/c the work week is about to start again and the weekend is over. But, this time I thought, "I'm just passing time by going to work." Just look for opportunities as you pass time there!
I woke up at 4:30 am this morning and instead of thinking, "aww, it's so early, I want to go back to bed" like I do every morning, I thought, "Welp, I'm up early and passing time; it's all good." I thought about it all day at work. After work, I usually rush out to get home. Today, I walked and passed time enjoying my walk to my car and my drive home. I love thinking like this. Things don't seem as important - I mean being anxious about getting things done or stuff like that. I want to slow down and enjoy each passing moment, no matter what I'm doing. It feels like a big adventure, you never know what the master will have you do next. Meanwhile, just enjoy living life and wait on the master. | Humility | Sep 3, '07 12:56 AM
for everyone |
Tonight at the meeting, the song "Finding Glory all the Way" was played and the holy Ghost was stirring in me. It wasn't stirring enough to set my feet to dancing though and I really wanted to dance in the Spirit. I asked God to set my feet to dancing and He did. Well, He taught me something very important tonight. He allowed me to dance in the Spirit which is an amazing thing to feel God in control of your feet and body. I've danced many times and usually am so drunk in the Spirit that I give no thought to what I look like- it's just Jesus and me. Well, tonight, I was drunk in the Spirit but He was teaching me something. As I was dancing, He was telling me to not worry about what the people around me think...just let God be in control and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. And God was teaching me this for just my day to day life. I have a reputation where I am "sweet maleah" and everyone has liked me my whole life. But, I do not need to worry about what people think of me...just let God be in control no matter what I look like to others. When He was teaching me that I wanted to learn it so bad. And God said, I CAN Save you! If I trust God and let Him be in control...He will save me! So, normally, after I dance in the Spirit, I am so drunk afterwards that I can't think about what other people are doing. Tonight, though, when I stopped dancing, I was completely somber again. I stood there a little shocked that I was not drunk in the Spirit anymore. I started to look around and everyone looked calm and were singing. My mind began to get the better of me and I started to feel a little embarrassed for dancing so hard. I wanted to say something to someone just to see what they thought, but I knew the Lord didn't want me to. So I sat there and relearned what He taught me while I was dancing. I learned to have humility. To let the Lord be truly in control of my life, then have enough humility to take whatever others may think. And be thankful that the Lord is even in control of my life...it feels good. I just need to get past my flesh...And I really want to. I just have to be reminded of it often.  | Guestbook | |
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Quite possibly Pasadena, CA.... |
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thanks, umm its my doggie but it got cut off. i dont have any good pics of me so i put him on there instead i am going to have to fix it. |
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Yes, those are the right words....love you and miss you, and yes I will be home for Thanksgiving and I will have a week off for Christmas - yay!! |
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Hey Maleah! Teri told some real sweet testimonies last weekend. She is really sweet. Cya on T'giving. I can't wait. :-) |
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Hi Maleah! When are you going to visit me? |
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Oh Maleah! I love the flowers! It's so bright and cheery....just like you!
Love ya! 8-) |
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PS- I am glad our daddy gave me a sweet little song too! Hopefully I can get better at singing it. |
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awww thanks Maleah! I was very nervous and it was one of my first time's ever singing in front of anyone. :-) I am glad that you liked it. I am thankful for you, and I love you too! |
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Hey! Yes, I was getting blessed too. I had felt to dance when Carrie and Aunt Bess were dancing during "My Conviction," but I didn't. Then when Pastor John started playing "Finding Glory All Along the Way" I couldn't hold it in. :-)
P.S. - Are you changing your background or is it just randomly changing? |
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Hey!! LOVE your site!! Whoever comes across it can't help but feel better when they leave it. :) |
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Hey Moe! :-) Glad you are on here. I have loved reading what you have written lately. I need to update my page with some of mine too. |
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Hey Maleah! I like your new page! I love your blogs, they are great. I also enjoyed your dancing Sunday, well, the part of it that I saw. :-) |
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Hey Maleah! Love your page!! Maybe you can add all the emails you've been sending out, when you have time! |
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